Hi! This is Archu back at ArchuzArchive. We’ve had a long-time-no-see for almost two months now that I feel it wouldn’t hurt to do a little re-introduction. Two months really and that’s longer than the longest breaks that I had ever taken over here!! A few friendly folks had pinged me to enquire on my continued absence at my blogspot, wondering if I were up to something else or had given up blogging altogether. That wasn’t something that hadn’t occurred to me. I was taking a voluntarily career break to attend to a few personal priorities but blogging would most definitely not fall under that category for which I was taking a break for. Yet, I had remained all still and silent, which as it turns out was totally unintentional. Well, to write something, you need something to write on. Having been busy for a long while, the first thing one would want to do during a break would be to stretch out and relax. That’s exactly what I did, only that I never let it go.
A fish out of water is always fidgety even if it were blessed to be an amphibian. I was that restless amphibian who wanted to plunge back into IT waters within one month of a so called break, more out of habit than need. I dived into job portals on look out for another job and recession times necessitated deep diving that I wasn’t exactly used to in spite of my frequent job hops. I sank and surfaced a number of times, not really knowing why I was getting so desperate when I had my hubby to support me. Maybe I needed to satisfy my ego that kept pricking me every day that I spent as a home maker. Not that home making is easy. Infact, from these three months of experience, I understand that home making is even difficult than breaking our heads in front of our comps. Even though timelines are tighter, I would gladly prefer to do my household chores alongside my career, not the chores alone. It has taken me three months to realise that I was not cut out for that.
Stubborn and steadfastness are characteristic Taurean traits that made my life even difficult. If you were pushed to do something by someone, you can always rebel and retaliate but when it’s you who is pushing yourself, you have no choice but to succumb. My restless soul was pushing me every moment to begin working again and with house EMI commitments, I felt guilty staying at home and letting my husband bear the full burden. I tried and tried but recession rejected me making me get fully frustrated.
Had it been only that, I wouldn’t have given up so easily but strangely I found that my body wasn’t exactly co-operating with my mind. I felt lazy and lethargic. I felt like lying down and resting in the bed all the time, even after 10 hours of sleep. I had lost my appetite and lived on bread and ‘Lays’ chips that I promptly threw up in a little while. Doing the slightest task felt like a huge ordeal and my mood swings were erratic. One day I brightly tell my husband that I would stay confident and get a job and the next day I would be weeping in his arms. My decisions were confused and it seemed like I had no control on myself. I was so not being me.
DEPRESSION! I was going down a depression drain helplessly. That’s what I had concluded to myself. Depressions affect not only the victim but the people associated with the victim as well. I couldn’t let it happen, or at least I didn’t want to pull my husband along too. So, I gradually became mute. I kept myself alone, away from friends and family. I stopped visiting friends. I stopped blogging, afraid if I would let my depressed mood ooze in here as well. I greeted my hubby with a smile when he returned from office but while he was away, I just kept sleeping and sleeping as if nothing could console me better. I was cheating myself.
I would not have been writing this blog now if I hadn’t learnt a news last week that changed my world around, from dull greyscale to jubilant technicolor. As I was enjoying my self-diagnosed depression, I puked away all my favourite food for the nth time last week. I decided it was time I did something about my sickness and googled for the cause. As the links kept popping up, my eyes grew wider and I quickly rushed to re-check my menstrual chart. It was then that it hit me like a lightening that I COULD BE PREGNANT.
As soon as my husband returned from office, I told him my doubts. He immediately suggested me to take a home pregnancy test which sharply turned positive. We went through a swell of emotions in a few minutes – from shock to surprise to excitement. We again hurried to a gynaecologist who confirmed pregnancy and subsequent scans told us that the junior was already 2 months old. No wonder I felt like sleeping all the time, no wonder I was sick, I was not depressed. In fact, this isn’t a news to get depressed at all. It calls for celebration!!! We were happy and elated and laughed at the prospect of us as responsible parents. No matter, we’ll be just good friends to our kid! We informed the good news to all our well-wishers who made the news even merrier with their enthusiasm.
In parallel, I had received a job offer from IBM. We had not exactly planned for a kid but the news comes as an unexpected astonishment. I had been trying for jobs everywhere but now I have an offer from a company that is known for its work-life balance, which is a huge boon for pregnant women. Sometimes, we never get what we crave for. But again, something better turns up which we never would have even thought of. In my life, miracles never cease to happen. I experienced it once in choosing my life-partner and yet again now with my baby. Speak about destiny!!!! TOUCH WOOD!!! TOUCH WOOD!!! TOUCH WOOD!!!